Reflecting as the end is seeming closer

As we get close to embarking on the final leg of our journey to Australia, I find myself reflecting once again on what has happened so far, and how we got to this rather peculiar position. I will admit that the emotion I am feeling is odd, it is one of glee and sorrow mixed with excitement and fear.

We have after all nearly completed the dream, which was to make the move, to be successful in gaining the Visa, and then taking the long and windy road down. It is with this realisation that I feel sorrow, for the completion of the journey will sadly signify the end of a major personal project, a project of which I am immensely proud. I wanted a significant period of time with my children as they grow up, and I have had that, and it has been as rewarding as I hoped. My relationship with them has moved to a completely different level, not necessarily in a conventional fatherly manner, but for the moment we are each others buddies and 'dudes'. We share and laugh as equals, as we have continued to be there for each other every day and night for the past 150 odd days, and yet I am also their teacher, hopefully achieveing a level of advancement in their education, but no promises there! We have formed a very strong bond between the four of us which can only come from the concentration of time we have spent together, and the peculiarity of being without external influence or distraction. I am sure that we will return to the conventional relationship as life returns to normal, but for the moment it is here that we are, and I like it.

So I am also filled with glee, that my children will have this memory, not just of the places, experiences and mishaps that have come our way through the journey, but that they will have them with me, their father, and that we will always be able to look back on those memories as I turn back into the worker and provider that society expects and dictates. I will not however allow myself to become overly absorbed by the career that awaits me, as I must remember that it was a realignment of my priorities that helped to encourage the move in the first place. In fact let me write here for my future reference the inspirational observations of Bronnie Ware, a palliative nurse who recorded the most common regrets of the dieing, and in so doing, pushed me up a a gear!, here they are

 

 

• I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
• I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
• I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
• I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
• I wish that I had let myself be happier

I frankly feel that I have always led my life in a way that would avert any potential 'regrets' like the above, but the brutal reality that these have become regrets to so many, has lead me to start thinking of them as personal mantras, not as a way to live life, but as a reference to sometimes remind yourself of the pitfalls that others have fallen into.

Of course the greatest kick we can get is the stark reality of our personal frailty, and with Steph's stroke, and Mum's experience last year, I have had my fair share of reminders that life needs to be lived to the full, whilst you have your health and your family around you.

So as I look towards the new adventure, the bigger adventure, starting in Australia at the end of the cruise, I am exhilarated about what this will bring to us all. The challenges that starting a new life in a foreign climb will bring, the expectations that we all have for the location, be it the beach, the sport, the lifestyle, the food or any of the other opportunities which may or may not be there. With this uncertainty comes the fear, will we succeed, or will we be heading home in short-time. I have always maintained that a swift return would only indicate a renewed enthusiasm for the UK, but the reality is that I would hate to see this level of effort be pushed into a short stay, that would definitely be depressing. The fear of homesickness! How much will I miss blighty and all its quirks, how much will I miss friends and family. It has been easy to push all this to the side as we travel south-east, but in the real world, I can see this being a more prominent thought. Skype, Ipads, blogs, and the rest make us feel close, but as we are starting to appreciate, we are in the bar when everyone back home is waking up.. it will not always feel so close.

So it is what it is (I hear you say Emma!) and I will continue to ramble along on the blog as we strive to succeed in the new 'Aussie Challenge'.. only time will tell, its just been great so far, long may this continue!